What do I need to know about tonight's big game?
It's England's first game in the 2010 World Cup and they're playing the USA at the Royal Bafokeng Stadium in Rustenburg, South Africa.
The game kicks off at 7.30pm UK time, but coverage, which is on ITV and is being hosted by Adrian Chiles, starts at 6.30pm for an hour of build-up and tedious speculation.
If England lose, is it all over? No. This is the first game of the first stage of the tournament. There are eight groups, each containing four countries.
In the first stage, which lasts two weeks, all the teams in each group play each other.
So as well as the match against the USA, we also have to play the other two teams in our group, Algeria, on June 18, and Slovenia, on June 23, and they all have to play each other, too.
After all those games have been played, the two teams at the top of each group go through to the second stage.
Even if we lose badly tonight, we'll definitely be playing at least another two games in this World Cup tournament.
Right, but aren't the Yanks rubbish at football, anyway?
Oh no! In fact, they're currently ranked 14th in the world by Fifa, the sport's governing body (England are eighth, but that still makes it a pretty even contest).
David Beckham's move to Los Angeles a few years ago was in part because the U.S. wanted to boost interest and investment in their domestic league - and it's worked.
The standard of Major League Soccer (MLS) - their version of the Premiership - is on the up, and a number of U.S. players play for European sides, including eight of the national squad at English clubs. More impressively, in last year's Confederations Cup semi-finals, the U.S. defeated Spain 2-0 in a shock result that ended the European champion's record unbeaten run.
Oh, and the last time we played them in a competition was in 1950 and they beat us 1-0. Oh dear.
What else should I be worried about?
The squad's already been hit by injuries – most recently to captain and defender Rio Ferdinand.
Then there's Wayne Rooney, who struggles to control his temper.
During one of the recent warm-up matches, a referee cautioned him about his foul language and, with rumours that FIFA are telling refs to crack down on swearing, there's a real possibility he could be sent off if he loses his rag.
If this happens, he'd miss England's next game. There's also the new football designed by adidas, who claim it's the most stable and accurate football ever made. It has, however, been criticised by both strikers and goalkeepers for being unpredictable.
Midfielder Michael Carrick likened it to a beach ball, so expect it to be blamed for penalties that hit row Z, or any soft goals conceded. Brilliant.
So is there anything to be cheerful about, then?
Abso-bloomin'-lutely. The doom-mongers might be ruing the absence of injured Ferdinand and Beckham, but there is still a whole lot of talent on that pitch.
Rooney has had a hugely impressive season for his club, Manchester United, scoring 35 goals in both league and cup matches.
If he can let his feet do the talking, he could be one of England's best World Cup strikers ever.
That said, Frank Lampard's hardly been slacking on the goals front - at Chelsea this season, his tally was 30.
Newly appointed captain Steven Gerrard is also on good form, but, the biggest reason to be cheerful is off the pitch.
Manager, Fabio Capello, has ushered in a new strict regime for England - he abhors lateness, demands that the players wear smart suits and, in his own quiet yet forceful fashion, has whipped this bunch of spoilt millionaires into a lean, mean, fighting machine.
He sounds like a hard task master… He is. He's banned mobile phones from the squad dining room, insisted that the players all eat together and he even laid into lanky Spurs striker Peter Crouch for shuffling around the team hotel in slippers because he likes to see players in the correct attire at all times.
If I get bored, can I always play spot the WAG in the crowd?Afraid not. Capello's banned them. He thinks they're a distraction so has insisted they stay at home - or at least away from the players.
If you're really bored, you could count the vuvuzelas - the red trumpets that are an iconic part of South African football and are so loud broadcasters fear they could drown out the commentary.
The Bluffer's Guide
If you're out to impress, try throwing a couple of these phrases into the mix.
SAY: 'I don't see the problem with playing 4-5-1 with Rooney up front. It works for United.'
WHAT IT MEANS: Four players play in defence with five across the midfield and a single player, Rooney, as a striker. This is the role Rooney played successfully with his club this season, and a formation that Capello has used in friendlies.
SAY: 'I just can't understand why the Gerrard/Lampard partnership is so much less than the sum of its parts.'
WHAT IT MEANS: Both Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard have excelled with their respective clubs, Liverpool and Chelsea, in attacking midfield roles. But when they play together for England, it doesn't work.
SAY: 'Howard should really have a handle on Rooney's game.'
WHAT IT MEANS: The U.S. 'keeper Tim Howard was Manchester United's goalie for a couple of years before joining Everton, and should, in theory, be familiar with Wayne's style.
SAY: 'There's still no obvious replacement for Beckham when it comes to set pieces, is there?'
WHAT IT MEANS: Beckham had a good record of converting corners and free kicks into goals - you can't say the same of anyone in the current squad.
SAY: 'Let's hope the man in black has a good game because Simon's not known for dodging controversy.'
WHAT IT MEANS: Brazilian referee, Carlos Simon, has been reported to Fifa for an 'unambiguously inconsistent, unfair and inequitable performance'.
source: dailymail
